I think experiencing tragedy, abuse and pain are the greatest gifts we are given. Letting go of the victim role, I believe opens up infinite possibilities of healing and growth. I truly believe that nothing happens without there being a higher purpose behind that incident, especially the incidences that cause the most pain. We learn to lead by example when we stop following the flock and walk the journey with trust from within and stop relying on others opinion’s, admiration or disproval. We learn to stop caring how other people view us. My favorite self-quote is, “feel free to project your intentions on me but, remember they have nothing to do with me”.
We remain stuck when we don’t look for the solution to the situation at hand. There are a million reasons we can come up with just like our ways of avoiding moving through issues or letting go of/ moving on from a situation. We drink way too much, smoke, over eat, over spend, become caretakers, create crisis, surround ourselves with crisis, become a victim, think we are helpless, make ourselves feel lesser than. We stay in dysfunctional relationships, re-create childhood dysfunction, make excuses, don’t ask for help, and the list goes on. God, for me my childhood and early adulthood was a living hell. Christ, I went through holly hell ½ of my life. First, I had to feel and understand what I went through as a child and that is the hardest to let go of. It is unjust as a child to go through horrible trauma, abuse and neglect. If we look at those demons and get the pain out, we are at the beginning steps to our healing. Then looking at the traits we took on to survive that childhood we can see those traits no longer serve us as an adult. Shedding that dysfunctional skin is a slow and steady process. Then for me, it was cleaning up my thinking. That meant becoming a more positive person, not focusing on the negative bullshit that I had no control over, like others drama. I believe I deserve all good things and that my thoughts create my reality.
Courage is the biggest key. I believe that the harder our fall is the higher we bounce and the taller we grow. When we can look at adversity with solutions in mind, then I believe we are on the right track. When we can walk away from relationships that are hurting us and wish the other person who is still prepared to stab us in the back, a prayer of healing, Cheers… Walking on a path alone can be difficult but, I have found when I have let go of things, people or places a higher level replaces what I have let go of or the exact same replica will replace what which I let go of if I did not finish my business with the situation.
I think once you truly know yourself, the darkness of you, the greatness of you and why you do what you do and humble yourself to pray, you are on your way. I truly never believed I could ask for anything, not on damned thing. That to me is truly sad but, once I realized and began to wake up I am learning to ask and although it is painful for me at times because of illusions of the past. The good news is with courage and strength the illusions fade to almost not being there anymore.
The clearer I become and the more I clean up my own back yard the better healer I become. I am much more present to be there for myself, to lead by example and help others. After all isn’t that why we are all here? I also now know that I owe no one a thing and I sleep without guilt. I do what I do because it makes me feel good/God inside.
Thank you for this day!